there's too many to mention.

i’m officially deactivating this account on the 23rd or possibly as soon as i finish fixing my new and private blog at wordpress.

i’ve grown weary sharing my personal life in tumblr. i just realized how accesible it is, hence i don’t want strangers (like future employers, etc) and even acquaintances (profs, school mates, etc) reading about my own life. i’m already such an extrovert in my daily life but there are still somethings that i don’t want to let people “in”.. and these are the things i usually would write about. to keep myself “safe” and perhaps a little mysterious, i chose to create a new blog (a private one this time) just so i could continue writing and pouring my heart out without the fear of overexposing myself.

here’s to new beginnings :)

thinking of deactivating this tumblr and making a private blog instead. i just need some place where i can write what i’m feeling and reflect on my personal life. i actually don’t need anyone reading and commenting. hay :|

Today is the First of December.

The first of EVERYTHING.

It was exactly two years ago, the same hour as I am writing this. We were sitting in our couch, actually I was lying on your lap. If I remember correctly, you were wearing your PE uniform. I just got home from school, you brought me home… You brought me home almost everyday since we started dating, you always insisted.

It happened in an instant, neither of us expected it. You had no initial reaction, far from what I was expecting… I guess I thought you would be leaping out of joy or something.

Oh well, it made your day, even your year… Heck, i know it made your life.

But those were the days. Those were OUR days. Now they’re all down the drain, lost in the nicotine haze, drowned by a simple, alcohol, and cake-infused MISTAKE.   

i don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation… and if you do, then obviously we are in a different level of understanding. i’m not even going to say a word. i’d rather get used to it. *face palm ten thousand times*

i have a friend who likes making fun of me for being pikon. He enjoys teasing me by linking me to random boys to the point that i regret telling him about my crush in school. He even made up this ‘issue’ that one of my co-officers like me, and it was so ‘effective’ and he made it sound so believable to our faculty adviser and another prof that it actually reached the department O___O

now, another ISSUE is boiling from one post in my wall by a friend and i’m starting to worry that it might become a full blown rumor… something that i’m trying to avoid. i don’t know if i’m just over thinking or maybe because i know him well enough that it can really be a big thing once he starts bringing it up, and i’m getting paranoid because he commented on one of my FB status implying that he knows ‘something’.

I know i sound so funny for being so paranoid, i can’t believe it’s getting on my head!O____O

as of the moment i’m chatting with my brother’s first girlfriend, Ate Joan, who is OUR FAMILY FAVORITE :P

After all this time she would still talk to me, and Bianca, and even my brother. Whenever we have the chance to talk, we would have good conversations as if they didn’t have a bad break up, as if they’re just miles apart. I’m very comfortable talking to her and i  would really really really be happy to see her again. I’m really glad we’re still friends despite everything that happened between them.

I SWEAR. She’s the only person we want my brother to marry in the future. She set our family’s standards for a ‘great girlfriend’ for my brother and we would always ALWAYS compare his GFs to her. No one can top her as his best girlfriend SO FAR (out of his DISAPPOINTING track record) and i am wishing, in everyone’s behalf (including HIS), that she is here in the Philippines ONCE AGAIN so that they could get back together!

DEAR LORD, SANTA, UNIVERSE, LET US ALL CONSPIRE AND MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

this week i’ve been literally pushing myself to the limit.

i’ve been sick since Monday, i was barely able to get out of bed and commute to Taft from Laguna because my head hurts like i just woke up with a bad hangover and my body was aching like hell. I literally was just in bed, lying, complaining to the ceiling that i cannot move but i forced myself because i had to go to DLSU. I went straight to my condo when i got to Manila because i had to get my readings for class. I managed to rest and my mom stopped over during her lunch break to take care of me. That day i missed my Spanish class but i made an effort to attend my make up class for Dr. Robles at 6pm and do thesis afterwards even if i felt like dying.

Tuesday, i still feel like shit but it was a little better than the previous day. I have sore throat and cough though -__-

Wednesday was the WORST everrrr. My mom decided to bring me to the doctor to get checked up because she was bothered by my cough. I’ve had cough since last month and for some reason it just won’t go away despite all the antibiotic i drank. Even the xray says my lungs are clear. Soooo i don’t know what’s wrong with me. I went to Makati after my meeting, i got prescriptions, went home and eat dinner. The doc said the cough and the ‘flu’ must be stress and weather related. I drank the medicine as prescribed: (2) 500mg antibiotic, (1) 300mg cough meds, (1) vitamin C. All in all i drank 5 tablets.

Lo and behold, after 30 minutes and for the rest of the night, i was vomiting the hell out of my organs, i turned pale, my head was spinning like crazy and my tummy was aching. I was crying like a baby but i was so stubborn, i didn’t want to be brought to the emergency room because i don’t want to be dextrosed or injected with anything. I fell asleep eventually. Thank God my mom and dad was at the condo to take care of me.

Turns out, i must have overdosed UNINTENTIONALLY (hey, i was following doctor’s orders). I don’t think my body can handle 1000mg of antibiotics so it reacted VIOLENTLY.

Thursday, which is today, i wake up still feeling like a mess but I made an effort to look ‘good’ today so that people won’t ask if im sick. HAHA. strategy. I managed to pull it off. HAHAHA. PLUSSS, my group and i were so productive today. My thesis work which got delayed from last night’s “commotion” is, AS OF THIS MOMENT, 75% done. And tomorrow, we are determined to finish 85% of our thesis already so by the weekend we only have 1 last little chapter to worry about and it’s ready to be passed ON TIME to our mentor for review and further revisions before the official first draft submission and thesis proposal defense. WOHOOO. LEGGO.

Tomorrow is Friday, it’s the start of the WEEKEND! I hope i won’t feel sick anymore because i have awesomesauce plans for the night!!!!\m/

last night i went to fiamma with my girls and they dared me to dance with this guy we were with that i’ve been eyeing on since.. umm.. last year.. haha.. they’ve been pushing me to him the whole night and they kept making gestures to me, signaling that i must finally do the dare..

and i did..

for the first time i actually did something out of my comfort zone..

we were both just playing it cool, but damn was it awkward. i still can’t get over it. hahahaha. im not sure if he even realized what was happening (i sure hope he didn’t)

the car ride to mercatto and back to taft made it even worse coz they keep dropping hints about me liking him.. i wonder what will happen when i see him in school on Monday, hope he forgot about it alreadyyy O_O

it’s not my fault you didn’t understand what we were supposed to be. i thought i made myself PERFECTLY clear. unfortunately, you only heard what you wanted to hear and now you blame me for feeling betrayed. this is exactly what i was trying to avoid, this why i wanted OUT as early as i realized things are wrong, but you forced me to stay. oh well. THIS is how things will always be with you…